I did it!

Only have time for a very quick post before I get back to the craziness that is May in my household, but I had to share the few pics I took and my thoughts about yesterday's Save the Manatees 5K.

The day could have gotten off to a better start. I woke up with a headache, totally self-inflicted so I was determined to power through it. See, I'm a caffeine addict. I don't mean I'm cranky before I have my morning coffee. I mean I get migraine-like withdrawal headaches if I don't keep up with the habit, and I was on the go so much on Friday between a morning run, afternoon at the park, and evening getting a new dog that landed on our doorstep settled in that I just didn't feel much like anything other than water. And I was paying for it as I got ready to go, but after a breakfast of Motrin and toast I was feeling a bit better by the time we got on the road.

It was cool and cloudy when we arrived, but as the morning progressed the sun did make an appearance. The weather really couldn't have been better - probably mid-60s with a gentle, warmish breeze. We got to Lake St Clair Metropark around 8:30, which gave us plenty of time to pick up our race packets and stretch a little before the 9:30 start.

Shanna had to have her picture taken in front of the giant manatee balloon.

It was clearly a family-oriented event. The race packet for under-12 runners included a really cute stuffed manatee. A DJ was on hand to entertain the crowd, playing a very beachy selection of tunes, heavy on the Jimmy Buffet. Very apropos since Jimmy Buffet is one of the founders of the Save the Manatee club. An adorable clown was on hand making some very creative balloon animals for the kids, including manatees of course.

The first race of the day was the Mini-Mile and it was really cute watching the little ones line up to run. The youngest child out there couldn't have been more than 3 or 4, and it got me thinking that next year maybe Katie would like to join us. 

Then it was our turn. The turnout was bigger than I'd expected, about 1200 people registered for either the 5K run or 2 mile walk, but once we got a few hundred yards from the start the course didn't feel crowded at all. Shanna and I ran together for about the first half mile, then I slowed to walk some and she left me in her dust. I only caught sight of her once after that, when the course doubled back on itself, and according to her time she was at the finish line about as I hit the 2 mile marker. 

The course itself was very nice. The park occupies a small outcropping into the lake, and the course went all the way out to the end before doubling back and winding through the more developed parts of the park. 

I ran about half of the first mile, then walked all of the second, then alternated between running and walking through the rest. My overall time wasn't bad - 46:47, which breaks down to 15:05 per mile. I'm shooting for 15 minutes as my first pace goal, because that feels comfortably under the 16min/mile pacing requirement for the time-limited races I'm interested in, so I did get close and was slightly faster than my best training run so far. I was disappointed with myself for not running more, though. I wasn't sore and was only mildly tired afterwards, so I know I could have pushed myself harder. 

I was very proud of Shanna, though! Her final time was 31:11, pretty good for a first effort especially since she abandoned me on our C25K program for the duration of track and baseball seasons! 

All in all it was a very nice outing. I'm taking today off to work on things in my garden and around the house, but I'll be right back out on the track tomorrow morning to get ready for the next race, which right now is looking like it'll a local charity fundraiser on July 20th. 

Two tough weeks

I've started this post a few times over the last week, but never end up finishing it. I always end up feeling like a whiner by the end... But I think I do need to get this out and let it go before I can break out of the funk I've been in.

Two weeks ago, my 4 year old daughter's best friend lost her mother. It was sudden, unexpected, and quite frankly terrifying. On her 40th birthday she just didn't wake up. She was overweight but otherwise healthy, and though she was under a lot of stress she seemed to be handling it well.

Her daughter, V, was here with me all day the day it happened. No one had told her yet. Her mom's boyfriend, who found her - thank God he was the first one up! - didn't know how to break the news and her grandparents spent the better part of the day dealing with the practical worries.

There are no words that can do justice to how difficult it was to play with the girls like it was a normal day. All I wanted to do was hug the stuffing out of little V. She's been best friends with my youngest since they we moved in here, when V was 3 and my daughter was 2. In that time she hasn't had any contact with her father at all so her mom really was her whole world.

When her Nana and Papa came to pick her up, I went out for a run. I thought it would clear my head but all I ended up doing was overdoing it in a big way. I didn't take my phone so I wasn't doing timed intervals, just running until I had to walk and then running again when I caught my breath. Not exactly the smartest thing I've ever done but at least I slept well afterwards.

I haven't been out walking or running since. I could barely move on Saturday, but got on with our usual - track meet, baseball game, playground, church. But somewhere in there, V called and wanted to talk to my KJ. She told her what happened to her mom and they talked for a long time.

No four year old should know that mothers aren't invincible and ever since that phone call mine is struggling mightily with that realization.

The following Monday we had our very first meltdown at school about leaving me. This is a little girl who was so eager to start school that she didn't even want to take the time to give me a hug and kiss on her first day, and who gets upset over school breaks. But she didn't want to let me out of her sight.

She hasn't stayed in her bed all night even once in the past two weeks. Every night she wakes up, usually just as I fall asleep, and climbs in with DH & I.

Every time we get in the car we have the same conversation. It starts like this: "Mommy, I don't want you to go live with Jesus." I'm not a religious woman but I am so thankful that she does have the teachings of a year of Catholic school to draw on as she tries to cope with this. It is certainly easier than trying to explain death outside of the context of any faith.

She even turned down a sleepover at her Nana's house. She never does that. Papa takes her grocery shopping and they cook together and he lets her have cookies before dinner and jump on the bed, then Nana runs her a bath so she can "swim" in their oversized tub before falling asleep watching Disney movies.

So through all of this, I'm not sleeping well and I'm certainly not forcing the issue of "me time" to go running when K is so clingy that I can hardly go to the bathroom without her. We're spending our days doing fun things together so she doesn't spend so much time thinking about V's absence, since up until 2 weeks ago V was here after school virtually every day.

The problem is, I've let it completely kill my motivation. Not just about running - even planning my next Disney trip doesn't do it for me, and I'm so glad this is the break between terms because there's no way I could focus on coursework right now.

And this is why I feel whiny. This isn't my tragedy, but I can't seem to get it out of my head much less get back to normal. I have so many things coming up in the next month that I'm looking forward to but right now I have no enthusiasm for any of it. Dealing with the day to day of reassuring K and trying not to think about my own mortality is taking all the emotional energy I can muster.

I'd like to say I'll get out there tomorrow but really I doubt I will. Monday, though, I'll be on the track or on the trail come hell or high water. No excuses. KJ will be in school and I need to make the most of that time until things get back to normal.

The 5K with my 11 year old is one week from today and I'm not going to disappoint her.

Home again, home again

It has been a long time since I updated, but I have a good excuse... Well as good an excuse as any, any how.

I was at my most favorite place in the world.

Wishes

That's right, Disney World.

Even more incredibly, I was there all by myself. No husband, no kids, just me calling all the shots. It was nothing short of amazing!

The purpose of the trip was two-fold. First and foremost, I got the chance to meet in person some very long time online friends. We all started out together on a public message board, but when the board shut down we started a small e-mail loop and after many years of talking about much more than our shared love for Disney we've all grown quite close. Fourteen of us were able to make the meet and we had a blast!

The second purpose, and the reason being solo was so very priceless, was that the Flower & Garden Festival is in full swing at Epcot.

I am an avid gardener, bordering on obsessive at times. You'll find that my garden will butt in here a time or two if spring should ever arrive, because it consumes much of my spare time and energy during the warmer months.

With my interest in gardening, it should come as no surprise that I spent most of the trip at Epcot. I took a Flower & Garden Festival exclusive tour, attended several of the festival seminars, and enjoyed a behind the scenes tour of Disney's incredible greenhouses. It was a truly magical experience to be there without kids hurrying me along when I wanted to get a closer look at some unusual display or growing technique. This was my third visit during the Festival, but the first time I really felt like I could take the time to appreciate everything it adds to the park.

But I am home again and struggling to get back in the swing of things. I didn't run while in Florida, partly because it was just so hot -  70° with high humidity at 7am - and partly because I was spending 10 or 12 hours a day walking around the parks. And then I came home to find winter still clinging to our area, and promptly developed a nasty cold. Ugh.

I am heading out for a walk now, just to get moving a little. I doubt I'll run at all. My cold is passing but any real exertion triggers a coughing fit. Still, I need to get myself out the door and putting in at least some effort so before the sun goes down I'm going to bundle up and hit the trail. Maybe I'll find some small sign of spring out there somewhere!

Self Consciousness

It has been a tough couple days. That "just not feeling it" feeling keeps hanging around for one reason or another.

But at least I'm getting the hang of running anyway.

The last couple days have been miserable. We finally have spring-like temperatures and they came with rain. Buckets and storms and showers and mists, and scarcely a dry moment to be found. And that means no running, just walking at the school in the early morning hours. I've only gotten one real run in this week.

The sun came out in the evening on Monday so I decided to head out while I could, but the sidewalks and my usual path were better suited for wading than for running. That left just one option, the high school track. And with the first 60-something degree day of the spring along with the first break in the clouds all day, a dozen other people had the same idea.

For me, that's a problem.

I really hate running when there are other people around. It is a weird thing to be self conscious about, especially when those other people are other overweight, middle aged women out for a walk on the only dry spot in town. But there it is.

On a track full of people walking in pairs and small groups, I feel like I look ridiculous doing my walk/run intervals all by myself. And just to make it a little better, I'm in week two of the Zombies, Run! program so there are heel lifts in between interval sets as well.

I seriously considered skipping the C25K workout and just walking, but then I realized something - if I can't work out in front of a bunch of moms and senior citizens out for an evening walk, how am I going to feel about actually running in a race?

So I did it. My full work out with an audience of people who couldn't care less about the woman running the back stretch of the track instead of walking like everyone else. It may not sound like much, but it felt good to me. Some days I think it is the smallest victories that keep me going.

Just Not Feeling It

Ever have one of those days where you wake up with the motivation of a garden slug? Today was that kind of day for me.

I'm not sure if it was the busy day out with my kids yesterday or the way too heavy dinner that went along with it, or if it was the unending construction project down the road that once again woke me at dawn even though it is spring break and I should be sleeping in. I just know that I've been feeling kind of blah and lazy all day.

I was pretty proud of myself when I shook it off and went out the door for my run, but the lethargy tagged along.

I'm used to tough first miles. I haven't been at this very long and the first few running intervals usually prompt at least a fleeting thought that there has to be an easier way. But today the blahs hung with me even  as the first mile turned into the second.

It didn't help that my daughter has a friend over for the weekend so I didn't have my running buddy to keep me moving. And it didn't help that despite the lovely sunshine, the air was cool and there was a strong breeze blowing directly into my face as I hit my usual path.

Mostly, though, it was just an extension of my mood.

The bike path I use is really pretty, and today there were lots of birds to watch in the still-leafless trees. On my walk intervals I played with the Flickr app a bit. I just downloaded it while I was in Florida last month so the novelty hasn't entirely worn off yet even though my phone doesn't take great pictures.

I even veered off into the wilderness for a short distance to run along a creek, knowing that the soft ground is usually easier on me when I'm tired or sore.

Nothing really helped, and in the end I just slogged through it.

Needless to say it wasn't a very good workout.

I completed my Zombies, Run! mission but my pace stunk and I didn't run any of the 10 minute free walk/run that follows the structured run-walk intervals.

Then I came home, plopped down in my favorite chair, and decided not to do much of anything else for the rest of the day.

15:36

Today was cold. It was windy. It certainly didn't look anything like spring. But I stuck to my guns. No excuses.

My ankle and foot are still a bit sore, so I didn't want to push myself too hard or too far today.

I know when I start a workout in Zombies, Run! I absolutely despise not finishing. In fact, I've only done it once and only because my 4yo decided to have a total meltdown mid-run that necessitated an immediate return home. And once she was settled into her bed I left her in my husband's care and went right back out to finish what I started. So in the interests of listening to my body and taking it easy on my still-healing foot and legs I decided to skip running from the zombies for a day and go for a more free form walk/run instead.

I hit the track with one goal: to cover 5K in distance. No worries about pace or time and every intention of slowing down or even taking a break if I started hurting.

Not only did I cover that 5K without a break, I did it in a pretty solid time for me - 15 minutes, 36 seconds per mile on average.

For the first mile, I really didn't think I was going to make it. My ankle just isn't flexing normally yet and I had a hard time finding a comfortable stride. At the one mile mark I decided I'd just shoot for half the distance - 6 laps instead of 12.5. But by the time I hit that 6th lap I'd gotten into a pretty good routine, running 100 meters each lap and walking the other 300m. And before I knew it I was done, in just a hair over 50 minutes.

It isn't going to win any races but a 15 minute mile pace, sustained over the entire 3.1 mile distance, is my first major training goal. The minimum pacing requirement for Disney's 5K events as well as for several local races I am interested in is 16 minutes per mile, so training to 15 minute miles should give me enough of a cushion to work in water breaks and tying shoes and any other brief stops that might come up mid-race.

As I run more and walk less I'll obviously have to set a more lofty goal, but for a 200+ pound woman who is new to this whole running thing, 15 minutes per mile seemed a good place to start. And to be so close to that goal so early in my training is a real thrill!

The Most Embarrassing Injury

I went into the holiday weekend with the best of intentions. Yes, we would be busy visiting family on both Saturday and Sunday, but I was still going to fit in at least a short run.

Then I broke our stairs.

Okay, it wasn't entirely me. They weren't properly built nor installed, and we didn't realize the extent of the jerry-rigging until they crumbled. Think six foot wide, four foot high cast concrete steps... with no support other than the side walls, no back-fill when they were installed, and no reinforcing wire or rebar in the construction at all. It is amazing they lasted as long as they did... According to neighbors, the previous owners put them in a few years before they moved so they were probably close to 10 years old. And we have some very heavy construction going on in our neighborhood that is revealing all sorts of hidden weaknesses; our neighbor had two 100+ year old original basement windows shatter because of the vibration.

Really it was a blessing that I was the one to "discover" the weakness. My husband works in construction and battles a recurring ankle issue so this could have sidelined him just as we're going into his busy season.  I'd hate to see any of my very active kids get hurt, particularly with two of them starting track practice next week. And if it had happened a day later it could have been my 65 year old mom going up and down them when she came over for Easter dinner.

Still, it is pretty embarrassing for me to admit that I didn't run this weekend because I am too sore from falling through our front steps!

Thankfully, nothing is broken. My shins are bruised and a little scraped up, the heel of my right hand took a beating because I caught myself before falling completely, and my right foot and ankle are very tender and a little swollen from being trapped under a piece of concrete. But a long hot bath and an ibuprofen got me through Easter Sunday, including cooking dinner and the whole nine yards, and today brought some improvement.

If it hadn't been 40° and windy I might have braved a walk to test things out but between the general soreness, post-holiday exhaustion, and the foul weather I let the excuses win.

They won't win tomorrow.